MAGNIFICENT FIST - KUNG FU TITANS

Now my old Uncle Lenny had a really magnificent fist. He'd show it to everybody he'd meet and say to them 'Hey! You! I have a magnificent fist'. Damn, what a silly bugger. Why the hell did he have to show it to that deranged serial killer for? Why couldn't he have used it in the same way than the square-faced chap did in this film Starring: Carter Wong? It was made in 1978 and lasted for 83-minutes.


Magnificent Fist


THE STORY:
Once upon a time in frugal China, there lived an evil Japanese Warlord who'd continuously terrorize the local inhabitants whenever he'd feel like it. Whilst he had a life of virtual luxury and excess, his henchmen would steel, swindle, blackmail, and kidnap whomever they saw fit, just to further his own wealth. Worst still, he had a very bad moustache too!!!

So, prey-tell; whom do you think had enough courage to fight back against this oppression? The town's law-enforcer perhaps? As he does own a very nice cardigan! Nah. Not at all. I'm sorry to say that this up-tight sod is more content being in the Warlords pocket, than helping the people he was supposed to protect. Alright, so maybe quarry-man, Yet-Lung (Carter Wong), then? As he is very good at the old martial artist don't you know!

Yes. Why not! Yet-Lung it is. The Chinese version of 'Robin Hood' who'd steel from the Japanese rich and give to the Chinese poor. In fact, over time he becomes so good a kicking the bad-guys into oblivion, that he gets a nickname (The Swallow), a reputations (mores the pity), plus a pretty-looking house guest who he saves from the Warlords men (called Iris).

Still, you know the old saying, don't you? What goes up must come down. Well, for Yet-Lung, it all begins when the Captain of the guard approaches him and demands a duel of sorts.

Though in many ways this is most probably why what next transpires all kicks off when kicks and punches become the flavors of the month. As parents come a calling - Mothers start a balling - and there is a whole host of caterwauling - when Warlords take a falling. HAI-YA!!!!!

[ Sorry. No Trailer Found ]

THE REVIEW:

Now before I present to you my bullsh*t on this bullsh*t film, 'Magnificent Fist - Kung Fu Titans', please allow me to relay some facts about the star of this film first, Carter Wong. (1) He was born in Macau in 1947, and began learning traditional Chinese Kung Fu from a Shaolin Monk and the Grand Master of Wudang Chi-Kung, when he was only 8 years old. (2) In 1984 Carter was a Muay-Thai instructor for the New York State Police Force. And in 1990 he taught the US Marines the same thing. (3) It's possible that Carter might have been cast in Bruce Lee's original version of 'Game of Death', due to the fact that he also starred in 'Fist of The Unicorn' with Bruce's pal, Unicorn Chan. (4) Carter founded the 'International Chung Hop Kuen World Federation', which is an organisation that promotes his own style of martial arts based on a mixture of Kung Fu, Muay-Thai, Taekwondo, Hapkido, and Karate. Moreover, this form of combat is represented in 36 different countries all around the world. (5) Although his English name is Carter Wong, he has also been called Patrick Wong, Wong Ka Tat, Huang Jia Da, Wong Chia Tat, and Carter Huang. (6) Carter starred with Sammo Hung in the film 'Hapkido', which also had a cameo by Jackie Chan and Yuen Biao. (7) In 1986 he became the World Muay-Thai Champion. (8) Not only is Carter a Honorary President of the 'Hong Kong Southern & Northern Martial Art Association', but in addition to this, he's a 8th Dan Black Belt in martial arts, and a 7th Dan Black Belt in Goju-Ryu Karate-Do Seitokukai.

Now I'm sure that you will agree with me when I say that the aforementioned facts prove without a shadow of a doubt, that Carter is a very proficient kung-fu practitioner indeed. However, to quote an old Chinese proverb -- 'proficient kung-fu practitioners does not a good film make'.

Here, let me tell you why. (1) The dubbing on this movie was just abysmal. Half of me thought that it was a comedy at first, as I kept on laughing whenever anybody spoke in a rather broad brogue. Also, the accompanying background music and 'fighting tings and tongs' really did distract at times -- like a cat singing in a microwave. (2) In essence this story is a mixture of 'Fist of Fury 3' and 'Iron Monkey' [click on the links for the reviews]. Though it's precisely because of this comparison why this flick falls flat on its face -- I've seen it all before. (3) The only real redeeming feature about this film is that the martial arts sequences were very nicely executed. They each had a rather brash and punchy tone to them, without coming across as being too 'waving-fist-like' in nature -- if you get my gist. Heck, the only drawbacks, where the martial arts was concerned, is that the camera position was too close on occasion -- to see the full majesty of the choreography. (4) Considering that this was a tale about the Japanese oppressing the Chinese, it was strange to watch it with an all Korean cast. (5) Another redeeming feature about this production are the actor's involved. Granted, they do present themselves in that very seventies mannered fashion -- with the contorted faces and the over-exaggerated demeanor's. Nonetheless, they were able to tell a tale -- so that's something, right?

Overall I would call 'Magnificent Fist - Kung Fu Titans' a combination of 'Robin Hood' and 'Fist Of Fury 3', with the added emphases that a couple of 'over-stimulated' dubbing artists were half-cut one night, and wanted to have a laugh at this pictures expense. Shame really, as I would have liked it to have been much better -- because I'm sure it could have been in the right hands. Still, you can't win then all, can you Carter?

Maybe I should retract my review, huh? He'd kill me if he read it, hehehehe!

THE RATING: C+