EARTH 2 #13

[ A FLAMING BARGAIN ] 

Say hello to the new Captain Steel. He's feisty, he's tough, and he's full of veal. I once saw him cry. But that was by the by. As he did eat a somewhat hot-and-spicy meal. Yeah. I'm not kidding. And neither are the somewhat hungry creative team of Writer: James Robinson; Artist: Yildiray Cinar; and Publisher: DC Comics, in May, 2013.

Using GENERAL terms, answer the following 4 questions about this STORY entitled '1340oC'.

• WHAT'S THE MAIN THRUST OF THIS TALE: Once Commander Khan justifies to the World Army, why he's sent Captain Steel to investigate an active fire-pit, Steel himself takes a nose dive into the fiery unknown.
• ARE THE MAIN OBJECTIVES ACHIEVED: Yes. Not that it does anybody any good.
• ANYTHING ELSE HAPPEN: Whilst investigating the death of Alan Scott's lover, Sam, Hawkgirl comes across a number of Apokalyptic questions and answers. One of them Bat-shaped.
• HOW DOES THIS STORY END: With Captain Steel getting a rather nasty sunburn.

All in all, what is the most memorable SENTENCE OR CONVERSATION spoken in this issue?

 It did take me back, quite a bit, when Captain Steel said...

'None of it matters to me. I do what I do because what else is there? I don't care'

... because I don't think I've ever heard a golden age hero being so bleak and cold before. Plus it's rather surprising too.

What are the BEST bits about this issue?

(+) From my perspective, Yildiray Cinar didn't put a foot wrong in this entire issue. His art was bold and dynamic. His depiction of Captain Steel was on the money. And I did like the way he paced the Hawkgirl battle scene in the cemetery. That was very nice. Nice and kinetic. 

(+) OK. So Sam is somehow connected to Apocalypse, huh? Hmmm? Very interesting.

(+) I thought Captain Steels 'updated' origin was very pleasant to read. It took certain concepts from the previous versions of this character, and it has cleverly integrated them into this new alternate version. Good job. Not great. Good. 

(+) At the moment I'm sitting on the fence where this new 'Earth 2' Batman and Red Lantern are concerned. I'm not saying that I'm too thrilled about the idea. But then again I'm not saying that I hate it either. I'm sure you understand where I am coming from, dear reader. I'm 50 / 50. 

(+) I did get a kick out of how this issue began, because in my eyes it resembled some sort of grand and lavish Hollywood movie. Very big and very bold.

What are the WORST bits about this issue?

(-) My God. Wasn't the dialogue in this issue f*cking long winded to read? I mean, the whole thing was basically about why Khan sent Steel to look into a fire-pit, yet it came across like 'Blah-blah-blah. The World Army are all tossers. Blah-blah-blah. Insert Steels origin here. Blah-blah-blah. Apocalypse is bad. Blah-blah-blah. Something about Red Tornado. Blah-blah-blah. My turban is on too tight. Blah-blah-blah'. Well, as much as I like Khan as a character -- plus the whole concept behind this adventure -- I just wished that his narration didn't take over the whole narrative. Know what I mean?

Choose TWO CHARACTERS out of this comic book, and then compare them to two ANIMALS.

A SEA TURTLE AS CAPTAIN STEE: Come on. Let's face it, folks. They're both miserable b*stards with a hard exterior. Case closed.

A SHETLAND PONY AS COMMANDER KHAN: Although they're both very nice to look at, they're both really boring to talk to, too.

What QUOTE would be appropriate to sum-up this story?

'If you put your hand in fire, expect it to get burnt' -- Fireman Sam

What SONG, THEME-TUNE, or MELODY, would complement this tale, as well as add and extra dimension to it by default?

'FIRE' BY THE CRAZY WORLD OF ARTHUR BROWN: Now there are three reasons for comparing this story to this song. Firstly, they both have a fire component associated with them. Secondly, they're both denoted by a 'crazy world'. And thirdly, because I bloody say so, alright!!!!

ANYTHING Else?

Alright. So who is this new 'Earth 2' Batman? No. It can't be Bruce Wayne, silly. He snuffed it during issue one. But maybe it could be...

• Dick Grayson -- because that's who I want it to be, so na-nah-nah-na-na!
• Barry Manilow -- because this Batman has a good sense of smell.
• Damien Wayne -- because it gives those sod's who liked him a chance to see him again.
• Al Capone -- because this caped crusader kills.
• Terry McGinnis -- because... errr... why not?
• Clint Eastwood -- because that would make Frank Miller very happy.
• Ted Grant -- because if Dick can't be the Bat, Ted would have to do.
• The Alien From 'Plan Nine From Outer Space' -- because that would be funny. 

OK. Enough of my stupid-ness for this month, folks. All I have left to say is that this issue was a so-so issue all in all. The art was great. The story was lopsided in execution. And generally speaking, it was an A-OK read, with some very intriguing ideas thrown in for good measure. 

Nuff said.

GIVE IT, IT'S DUES: If This Comic Book Was a Teacher, It Would Be a Teacher You'd Want to Throw Stones at Because They Kept Going on and on and on.