REVENGE OF THE DRUNKEN MASTER

What is more dangerous than a drunken Chinese man who knows Kung-Fu? Is it: (A) A monkey with a nuclear bomb. (B) A sober Polish man who knows Tai Chi. (C) Paris Hilton. Or (D) This 80 minute wacky martial arts film made in 1984 by the Director: Godfrey Ho; and the Actor: Johnny Chen. No. It's not 'B'. It's 'C' silly.


Revenge of the Drunken Master

THE STORY:

Living in frugal China must have been a right pain in the ass you know. Take the leader of the 'Blood Ninjas' for instance. All he wants to do is exterminate the 'Drunken Master Clan' because... errr... hmmm... he feels like doing it today, alright?

Nonetheless, do you think he and his henchmen can accomplish this seemly simple task at a drop of a wok? Nah! Not really. Although they do crack a few heads to begin with. Then they beat up a drunken-impostor who teaches some children his shtick. And let's not forget that they also murder some poor old chap who has a fake beard too.

Still, that's not enough for them, is it? They need to kill the jovial acupuncturist -- named the Drunken Kid (Johnny Chen) -- plus his sister, to seal the final fate of this Kung-fu sect once and for all.     

Moreover, do you know who else wants to get his hands on 'the Kid'? No. It's not the medical council. Mores the pity. Rather, it's that chap dressed in white. You know -- the bounty hunter -- who saves a young girl from being mugged, rapes her, and then try's to distance himself from this pretty little thing just as soon as she tells him that she loves him.

Well, it could be a lot worse I suppose. The Kid could be attacked by a man posing as a ghost, before bumping into said Bounty Hunter after the Blood Ninja's try to turn him into sushi!

Oops! Spoke too soon.

But then again that's most probably why what next transpires all kicks off when the Kid ages himself so he can have a good stiff drink. As disguises are for naught - sisters get caught - lepers become teachers - and at the end of the day bad guys don't want to mess about with two unruly creatures.

THE REVIEW:

Now before I tell you what I think about this 'rather alternative' martial arts movie, please allow me to paraphrase a conversation I had with a mate of mine -- called Thai Mike -- which prompted me to watch it in the first place.

MIKE: Hey! You'd never guess what I saw last night.

ME: It's wasn't another one of those pizza and porn movies, was it? If it was, I don't want to know.

MIKE: No. It wasn't porn. I saw a Kung-fu flick with Johnny Chen in it.

ME: You mean Jackie Chan, right?

MIKE: No. Johnny Chen. I think that he might have been a Jackie imitator from back in the day. Anyway, it was one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen in my entire life.

ME: Why? What was so weird about it, Mike?

MIKE: Well, for a start, it was called 'Revenge of The Drunken Master'.

ME: Oh! You must talking about Jackie Chan! And the film was called 'Drunken Master' not whatever you said.

MIKE: No. Straight up. That was the name of the film. Plus there were some really strange scenes in it too.

ME: Like what for example?

MIKE: In one scene there was this guy dressed in white who rapes a girl he saves. And then, after he does that, for some reason she falls in love with him too. 

ME: Yes. That is strange. But his white attire does represent the Chinese colour of death. So that may help the plot somehow.

MIKE: No. Not really. There was also this bit at the end where the bad guy tries to kill the good guys with a metal Frisbee, only for the good guys to 'power up', by one of them sticking their hand into the other one's belly button to 'recharge' their energy. That was bloody mental that was.

ME: Yeah. That does sound nutty. But maybe this was a 'Chi' thing. The ancient oriental power deriving from the ether. 

MIKE: OK, so what about...

ME: Hold up, Mike. Wait a minute. I think it best if I watch this flick for myself, OK? Just so I can see what it's all about.

Fast forward a week or so later, I did my research, I watched the film, and I come up with the following facts. (1) This film was exploitatively titled 'Revenge of the Drunken Master' so it could 'cash in' on Jackie Chan's success with his Kung-Fu classic, 'Drunken Master'. (2) Like Ed Wood before him, Hong Kong director, Godfrey Ho, is considered the master of B-movie filmmaking. He would cobble together his productions by using 'cut and paste' techniques, and varying pre-recorded and filmed footage, so he could make them as coherent as possible with the use of overdubbing artists and clever editing. (3) As well as making this film, martial artist, Johnny Chen, also made 'Golden Dragon, Silver Snake' in 1979, and 'The Eagle Killer' in 1978. (4) This was the only picture screenwriter, Danny Au, wrote for the silver screen. (5) Johnny Chen has been mistaken for the world class poker player of the same name, plus the film legend, Jackie Chan, because of the similar sounding names. (6) Eagle Han also starred in the film 'Fist Of Death - Jackie Chan Vs Bruce Lee To The Rescue'. (7) Godfrey once worked with famed film director, John Woo, at 'Golden Harvest' Studios. Also, from 2005 onwards, Mister Ho taught filmmaking at the 'Hong Kong Academy of Film'.

Hey! Not only did I gauge these facts about this flick. But I also came up with one single word that could sum it up in a nutshell.

Weird. 

Yes. That's correct. I agree with my mate, Mike's, summation. 'Revenge Of The Drunken Master' is one peculiar film. The overall through-line is jumbled and free-flowing. The martial arts are a mixed bag to say the least. The dubbing was so cr*p it made the production funny for the wrong reasons. And the complete package was just... errr... weird.

Try to think of a school-play where the children try to re-enact a bloody scene from the film 'Goodfellas', and you have a pretty good idea where I'm coming from with this.

Now that's not to say that this picture was totally inane. No. Just partly inane. And for the die-hard martial-arts fans only. Got it? Good. Now where has my pizza gone?

THE RATING: C