CYBORG COP

Stand aside, Robocop, and suck my hard-disk. There is a new mechanised form of law-enforcement in town. A really cheap and tacky looking one, seen in this 93 minute movie made in 1993; Directed by: Sam Firstenberg; and Starring: David Bradley, John Rhys-Davies, Rufus Swart, with Alonna Shaw.


Cyborg Cop

THE STORY:

'Don't you worry about me, Jack (David Bradley)' said my brother Phillip (Todd Jensen) just before he went off on some top secret mission in South Africa. 'I'm sure this deal will be a walk in the park for me and my guys' he continued. 'Cause all we have to do is defend a small little village from a hostile threat'.

But no. I'm afraid to say that Phillip was wrong, folks. Very-very wrong. Especially when you take into consideration that most of his men turn up dead, whilst Philip himself suddenly goes missing in action.

So what do I do about it? Huh? Just sit at home and blow-dry my shoulder-length jet-black wavy-hair? Hmm. Maybe later. But first, I take the first airplane over there, and try my best to figure out what the hell is going on all by myself.

Well, when I say 'all by myself', after the local authorities try to bust me for some trumped-up drug charge, a journalist called Cathy (Alonna Shaw) dogs my every move, until I reluctantly allow her to tag along with me on my quest.

Anyway, as I was saying, eventually I manage to discover what's really been going on with my bro. As it looks like he must have crossed paths with some tosser called Kessel (John Rhys-Davies), who has found a way of constructing Cyborgs from dead flesh, and is using them as mercenaries he can sell to the highest bidder.

Still. That's most probably why what next transpires all kicks off when a Cyborg attacks. As Cathy gets snatched - my brother gets patched - a machine gets scratched - and at the end of the day, the bad-guys are completely outmatched.  

THE REVIEW:

Now I'm pretty damn sure some of you out there are wondering how 'Cyborg Cop' measures up to 'Robocop'. Well, simply put, it doesn't even come close, pal. Heck, I'd go so far as to say that this film is nothing more than a luck warm version of 'Maniac Cop'.

Yeah. I'm not messing about. From my point of view it's not as good because the production values were low, the acting was nth rate to say the least, an all in all -- ouch -- I'd give this one a miss if you're looking for something spectacular and jazzy.

Oh! Wait a minute. Let me back-track if I may. The only thing I could define about this movie as being 'spectacular and jazzy', would have to be David Bradley's martial arts, Alonna Shaw's body, and John Rhys-Davies comical Yorkshire accent.

Apart from that though, here, check out this bullet-point summation for my low-down on this film. (1) Now I'm not too sure if this was a deliberate stylisation, but there were quite a few scenes scattered throughout this movie, which felt rather lacklustre and obtuse in execution. You see, for some strange reason certain sections appeared almost too 'fish eye' in focus, whilst other sections appeared very jagged, because the jump cuts from one scene to the next, flipped erratically, and not smoothly. (2) If you've watched this adventure you might have noticed that there is a lab in it which looks very similar to the Bat-Cave seen in the camp sixties television show. Ouch! This didn't feel right to me at all. If anything, it felt very misplaced within the confines of this flick. (3) The story -- for use of a better word -- was one of those tales you've most probably seen in many-many other eighties films before. Younger brother gets kidnapped.  Older brother goes to the rescue. Sh*t happens. Yadda-Yadda-Yadda. Hiccup. The End. Yawn. Zzzzzz. (4) Another thing about this film I wasn't too keen on was the way in which you could tell how certain special effects were obviously framed and shot, in accordance to the action taking place. For instance, there is a scene where a persons arm is being cut off by a laser. But instead of seeing the arm, the man, and the laser in the same frame, there is a close up shot of the arm being cut off, purposefully alluding to the manner in which it was filmed. (5) Normally I don't mind watching a 'love making' scene, especially if it adds something to the overall narrative or premise. In this case though -- nah -- it added nothing at all, except for an excuse to see Alonna Shaw's perfect tits. (6) On a more positive note, there were a couple of comical and jovial scenes that did prop this film up a notch or two in my own estimations. Particularly those involving John Rhys-Davies, wink-wink-wink!

Anyway. That's enough 'Cyborg' bashing for the moment. I think it's about time for some filmic-facts. Don't you? (1) 'Nu Image Films' first released this production in South Africa, on the very same day that the English goalkeeper, Ken Oxford, passed away -- the 6th of August, 1993. (2) Loosely translated, this project was entitled 'Police Cyborg' in Portugal, and during filming, it was given the working title of 'Cyborg Ninja'. (3) The tag line used to promote this picture, was, 'Programmed to kill... He is unstoppable'. (4) Now there's a pretty good reason why this film was first released in South Africa, folks. Not only because this is where the main lead, Rufus Swart, originates from. But also, most of it was shot there too. (5) David Bradley, who plays Jack Ryan in this movie, was originally called Brad Simpson, and was once a world Karate Champion, trained in Kempo, Tai Chi, Aikid, plus Karate Shotokan. (6) I'm afraid to say that this was Rufus Swart's final ever film role. He died in Hawaii six months after it was released. (7) By in large the filmic-elite wasn't very sure if they enjoyed this crime-thriller or not. Whilst 'Halliwell's Film Guide' called it, "dim standard robot action fodder", 'SFX magazine' called it, "one of the all-time great straight to video action flicks". (8) After this movie short-circuited, John Rhys-Davies provided a few voices for the cartoon, 'Animaniacs'; Todd Jensen did the same thing for the video game, 'Midnight Raiders'; plus Alonna Shaw starred in an episode of, 'Diagnosis Murder'.

Overall 'Cyborg Cop' is no 'Robocop'. The story was tried and tested. The special-effects were simple in tone. And generally speaking, I'd only watch this film if you were a die hard fan of this simple eighties genre.

Nuff said.

THE RATING: C-