Shhh! Be quiet. Be very-very quiet. Be like a tree wafting in the cool breeze during a calming summer's day in relax-town. Or alternatively, be like those mean looking bruisers seen in this 88-minute movie made in 1983. Yes. That's right. I'm referring this film Directed by: Godfrey Ho; and Starring: Dragon Lee, Jang Lee Hwang, and Gene Chan.
Champ Against Champ - Martial Monks of Shaolin Temple
THE REVIEW:
Champ Against Champ - Martial Monks of Shaolin Temple
THE STORY:
Youu-whoooooo! Mister scary-looking Shaolin-monk type-person! Once
you've finished disemboweling that ugly-looking cretin who can't digest his
food properly, could you possibly help me avenge my master's death
please? You know. By kicking the living cr*p out of that twat who's in charge
of the Wu-Dong school, Kurt Wong (Jang Lee Hwang)!
Huh? What's that, Monk? You will help me! But only after
this film dedicates itself to forty-five minutes of inane fighting sequences
that don't amount to a hill of beans? Alright then. Fair enough. I suppose that sounds entirely reasonable within the
scheme of things.
Yet, I must warn you, pal. My name is Dragon Lang (Dragon
Lee), and I'm one mean looking mother who has the ability to kick and slide
with the best of them.
Still. That's most probably why what next transpires all
goes south when a Monk turns out to be not what he initially seems. As feet get
licked - people get kicked - necks get clicked - and at the end of the day,
nobody on this Godforsaken Earth with be able to predict what this flick can
inflict.
Now who wants to get married?
Now if you're a big fan of films that are high in action,
low on plot, and are chock full of dodgy camerawork, dodgier dubbing, plus a
plethora of distracting looking wigs and mustaches, then please, sit down and have
a look at 'Martial Monks of Shaolin Temple'.
Honestly. In my eyes this is one of those movies I myself am
kind of confused by. I mean, what the hell were the makers of this project
trying to accomplish by producing such a thing? Did they really think people would enjoy a story-line that comes and goes as if it were being blown
around by a flatulent stutterer? All because they lavished the screen with a
very naive narrative complemented by an army of fight sequences?
Oh! And as for the fight sequences in themselves! Ouch! Don't
get me started on that particular subject matter! It was as if the director
took a nap and left it up to the actors to just duke it out amongst themselves
for however long it took them to get tired. Whirling and flipping and flapping
and fighting for the sake of extra screen time and nothing else!
Alright. I have to admit. There were a couple of fight
sequences involving Dragon Lee and Jang Lee Hwang I didn't mind gawping at.
Cause, as you may all well know, these two very proficient martial artists are
very good at the old kick and punch. But apart from that.... errr... what can I
say? My Mother always tells me to never criticize the disabled. And to me, this
film is very-very disabled. From the plot upwards.
Wait up! I know what we can do to fill the void. Let's sit
back, and have us some of these filmic-facts. (1) 'Asso Asia Films' first
released this production in the very same year Sally Ride became the first
American woman in outer space -- 1983. (2) Loosely translated, this project was
entitled 'The Death Hit of the Dragon' in Greece .
Whilst in Australia ,
it was re-titled, 'Champ Against Champ'. (3) During his twenty-seven years in
the business, the director of this flick, Godfrey Ho, used such pseudonyms as Godfrey Hall, Alton
Cheung, Albert Yu, Charles Lee, Robert Young, Herbert Lam, Elton Chong, plus a
couple more names I can't be bothered to mention. (4) According to legend, Jang
Lee Hwang was bestowed with the two nicknames, 'Silver Fox' and the 'King of
the Leg Fighters', because during his time in the Korean Army, he once killed a
Vietnamese knife-fighter in self-defense. (5) Now if you know what you're
looking for, I'm sure you'll be able to spot the following two filmic references
inserted into this adventure. The first reference relates to the Jackie Chan film,
'Fearless
Hyena', because Dragon Lee's character draws inspiration from Jackie's character
seen in that film. Whilst the second reference relates to the Bruce Lee film, 'Enter
the Dragon', because in the penultimate final scene, Dragon's character
receives similar battle scars Bruce did from that filmic classic. (6) Thankfully
this was the only escapade Richard Sam ever wrote throughout his very short
lived career, Ha! (7) Now if you've taken into consideration what I just stated
in my previous fact, do you think it's just a coincidence that this was the
last film Gene Chan, Jacky Lung, Antonio Sieou, Charlie Han, and Doris Tsui, ever
starred in? (8) After this movie knocked its flagon, Dragon
Lee starred in, 'Ninja Champion'; Godfrey Ho directed, 'Ninja Thunderbolt';
and Jang Lee Hwang starred in, 'Shaolin: The Blood Mission'.
Overall I'd say 'Martial Monks of Shaolin Temple' is for
die-hard martial-arts film-fans only. The story-line was a silly one. The
actors did the best with what they had at hand. And some of the fight scenes
were well worth the watch, but only if you don't mind watching a lot of
distracting looking wigs and mustaches too.
Nuff said.
THE RATING: C-
MARTIAL MONKS OF SHAOLIN TEMPLE
Reviewed by David Andrews
on
February 20, 2014
Rating: