JUSTICE LEAGUE - FUTURES END #1

[ FUTURE INVESTMENT? ] 

Many years in the future the world will be changed forever more. Jeff Lemire will spell his first name correctly. Jedd Dougherty will join a naked women's volleyball team. And DC Comics will kick themselves for forgetting Pippa Middleton's birthday, in September, 2014.

To QUOTE Oscar Wilde: 'It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious'.

THE STORY:

Now if you picked up this months installment of Justice League United, you might as well pick up this issue as well. Because if you do, in it you will see: (1) Heroes fighting villains. (2) Heroes talking to villains. (3) A very big glowing man who wants to blow up mars. And (4) A naked picture of Angelina Jolie French-kissing Jennifer Aniston.

OK. So maybe that last one was a lie. But still. I'm sure you might possibly... hopefully... maybe... enjoy this issue... ish... if you like very colorful adventures set in a possible distant future. Perhaps.

THE GOOD:

Now to be absolutely honest with you, dear reader, I don't think I can find anything positive to say about this second part of 'Home World'.

OK. I have to admit. The art-work provided by Jedd Dougherty was fairly nice looking upon the page. And I would genuinely like to see a lot more of his work in the future. And sure! To some extent I was very intrigued by this team's mix-match roster too. And I would also like to see a lot more of them in the future as well.

But apart from that... huh... no! My mother always told me never to criticize to the disabled. And in my opinion that is what this issue is. Disabled in originality. Disabled in scope. And disabled to the concept of making a story stand on its own feet.

I'm sorry to those involved for sounding so harsh.

THE BAD:

I wonder what the point to this comic book was. Yeah! I know it had something to do with setting up the Justice League in a possible future scenario. But apart from that... why bother?

Maybe this was DC's way of conning Jeff into doubling his workload. Or then again, maybe this story is meant to act as some sort of pre-cursor to present day continuity. Well, whatever the case may be, despite finding the team presented a very intriguing one to follow, and enjoying the homage to 'Kingdom Come' continuity -- kind off... ish -- at the end of the day why bother investing your hard earned cash on a book that felt very disposable within the scheme of things?

Know what I mean?

THE MUSIC:

Essentially this future bent narrative is about a group of heroes who want to prevent the destruction of mars, and they do this by fighting off a whole heap of villains that populate this prison planet. So with that in mind, dear reader, why don't I musically match it up to the Kelis song, 'Mars'?

What? Too literal for you!

THE COMPARISON:

Well, as this issue is basically about a bunch of prisoners who want to escape from their confinement, why don't I compare it to... errr... err... errr... a bunch of prisoners who want to escape from their confinement?

Hey! It works for me. And the pretty security guard in the leather shorts agrees as well.

THE CONCLUSION:

At the very end of this issue Rumpelstiltskin... errr... I mean 'Miiyahbin', finds a way of halting the main villain of this piece. So just for fun, can you guess what she actually does to him out of the following eight scenarios? Because does she...

1. Flash him her knockers.
2. Explain to him that being bad isn't always very nice.
3. Play him a Miley Cyrus song and depress him to death.
4. Give him a kiss.
5. Transport his mind to a nice warm and familial place.
6. Kick him in the nuts with a two legged sheep.
7. Tell him that all of these 'Futures End' one-shots will be irrelevant in a year's time.
8. Order Dan Didio to give him a massage.

Nuff said.