LISA FRANKENSTEIN'S DATING PROFILE

This month, Focus Features will be releasing a brand-new horror comedy set in the late nineteen-eighties that revolves around a young goth girl finding love by reanimating a handsome corpse. The film is called, 'Lisa Frankenstein', and to celebrate its release, I thought that it would be a jolly good idea to take a look at the titular character's dating profile. Here 👇, check this out.

Personal information:
Full name: Lisa Swallows, but you can call me miserable / Age: Teenager / Occupation: Goth / Location: America-land / Relationship requirements: Someone like me but with a penis / Longest relationship: No comment / Marital status: Single

Distinguishing features:
Height: 165 cm / Weight: 117 lb / Build: Slender / Hair color: Reddish brown / Eye color: Blue

Other attributes:
How ambitious are you? I'm only ambitious when it's dark / Do you drink? Yes, I drink the oxygen out of the atmosphere / Do you want children? No, I don't think I can have children because my potential partner's sperm may consist of dust / Do you consume drugs? Drugs are compulsory when you're a goth / Do you drive a car? No, but I do drive people insane

Favorite:
TV show: 'Tales from the Darkside' / Song: 'Bela Lugosi's Dead' by Bauhaus / Actor: Elsa Lanchester / Singer: Robert Smith / Comedian: Goths and comedy don't mix / Film: 'Bride of Frankenstein' / Color: Black / Meal: Jellied eels / Quote: 'Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful it happens in that order.' - David Gerrold

Hobbies:
Wearing dark clothing. Avoiding the sunlight and clean water. Being miserable. Collecting novelty skulls. Holding sharp knives. Hanging around cemeteries. Reading books about death. Watching documentaries about death. Talking about death. Listening to music about death. Playing ping pong.

About me:
Hello. My name is Lisa, Lisa Swallows, and before you ask, no, I don't swallow. But I do spit in the face of those people who pretend to be happy about this godforsaken world we all live on. After all, the planet is deteriorating by the day and society itself is full of liars and cheats who care more about themselves than those around them. As for me, on the other hand, I care about people, some people, but only if they enjoy history, dressing up in elaborate clothing, and being f*cking miserable. So, if you meet all of these requirements, let's go on a date so we can have a miserable time together. Much love.

First date:
As a goth girl, I would like you to know that I don't usually enjoy going out and meeting new people. So, to overcome this, I suggest that we meet somewhere remote and very, very quiet. Somewhere like a cemetery, for instance, so we can spend some time together to get to know what we hate and who we don't trust. Then once we've done that, afterwards, we can go to a restaurant and complain about the food we intend to order and how much it will cost. Well, due to climate change, political unrest, and people who smile, it's become very expensive to eat out nowadays. So expensive, in fact, that I suggest we should do it more often as it would give us something to complain about.

To see more character-based dating profiles, please feel free to click here to check out our section dedicated to all things love.