DEADPOOL'S DATING PROFILE

This month, Disney will release the thirty-fourth film connected with the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Entitled, 'Deadpool & Wolverine', it will star Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, as well as a number of other actors I can't be bothered to mention. So, to celebrate, I thought that it would be a jolly good idea to take a look at the dating profile for one of the titular characters. Here 👇, check this out.

Personal information:
Full name: Wade Winston Wilson / Age: Old enough / Occupation: Mercenary / Location: I'm here / Relationship requirements: Preferably somebody with a pulse / Longest relationship: In the comics, I had three failed marriages. So do they count? / Marital status: No comment

Distinguishing features:
Height: I'm the same height as Ryan Reynolds / Weight: I'm the same weight as Ryan Reynolds / Build: Ask Ryan Reynolds / Hair color: Am I Ryan Reynolds? / Eye color: F*#k off

Other attributes:
How ambitious are you? I'm only ambitious when I need the money / Do you drink? Yes, I drink anything, mainly with my mouth / Do you want children? According to comic book continuity, I already have a kid named Eleanor and I'm not sure if I want to squirt out any more / Do you consume drugs? I am a drug / Do you drive a car? Yes, I can drive most vehicles, but between you and me, I prefer to be chauffeured around by my pal, Dopinder

Favorite:
TV show: 'The Walking Dead' / Song: 'If You Love Somebody, Set Them on Fire' by The Dead Milkmen / Actor: Me / Singer: Bryan Singer / Comedian: Yoda / Film: 'Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask)' / Color: I'm not racist / Meal: Bread / Quote: 'I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens' - Woody Allen

Hobbies:
Shooting idiots in the face. Kicking people in their private parts. Wielding sharp knives. Getting paid. Touching my ass. Breaking the fourth wall. Plastering the fourth wall. Painting the fourth wall. Denigrating Disney. Pegging. Impersonating a duck. Referring to popular culture. Being Canadian without having to live in Canada. Playing with my Game Boy.

About me:
Hi. My name is Wade Wilson, but you can call me Marvel Jesus, the merc with a mouth, or my regular nom de plume, Deadpool. Well, whatever you decide to call me, please remember, that underneath my very rough-looking exterior is a very powerful interior that grants me several special abilities, including superhuman strength, speed, durability, stamina, and agility, plus my own personal favorite, a regenerative healing factor. So, before you take a long look at my face and decide that I resemble an extremely pretty cabbage, I want you to keep in mind that I'm more than a cabbage, an awful lot more, as I'm a very funny mercenary who isn't afraid to tell a joke after I've shot somebody in the balls. I also want you to know that I will soon be starring in my third solo film, and from the looks of it, I'm the best thing in it, along with that other Canadian guy who smells of crap.

First date:
Many years ago, while I was on a mission in the Middle East, I went out on a date with a really lovely lady. For the sake of secrecy, I can't tell you too much about the lady or the country in question, but what I can say is that I didn't die during our date and I did have a very good time. We both ate together. We both saw new places together. And we both utilized our respective weapons to kill our respective targets. In her case, she was hired to kill me and a herd of sheep, whereas in my case, I was hired to kill her and a herd of goats. So, to cut a long story short, or should I say, to cut a lovely lady's head off, when push came to shove, overall, the two of us had a very memorable time. In fact, it was so memorable, that the lady's next of kin had the date of our date carved on her headstone for the sake of posterity.

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