BEETLEJUICE'S DATING PROFILE

This month, Warner Bros. will be releasing the sequel to the 1988 horror comedy, 'Beetlejuice'. Aptly titled, 'Beetlejuice Beetlejuice', this film continues thirty-six years after the events depicted in the previous one and features some of the original cast and crew. It's directed by Tim Burton and stars Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Jenna Ortega, and Catherine O'Hara. So, to celebrate its release, I thought that it would be a jolly good idea to take a look at the titular character's dating profile. Here 👇, check this out.

Personal information:
Full name: Betelgeuse or Beetlejuice, whichever you prefer / Age: Older than Batman / Occupation: Bio-exorcist / Location: Here / Relationship requirements: Anyone who can say my name three times / Longest relationship: No comment

Distinguishing features:
Height: I'm the same size as me / Weight: Mind your own business / Build: Depends on my mood / Hair color: Green / Eye color: I think they're both yellow

Other attributes:
Do you like animals? Well, I suppose I like most animals, except for those pesky sandworms because one of them has eaten me / Do you drink? Only when I'm thirsty / Do you want children? What do you mean by... want? / Do you consume drugs? I don't take drugs. Drugs take me / Do you drive a car? I can drive people crazy. Does that count?

Favorite:
TV show: 'How Clean Is Your House?' / Song: 'Three Times a Lady' by the Commodores / Actor: Wile E. Coyote / Band: The Beatles / Comedian: Pope John Paul II / Film: 'Heaven Can Wait' / Color: Black / Meal: Jellied eels / Quote: 'I intend to live forever, or die trying' - Groucho Marx

Hobbies:
Scaring the living. Annoying the dead. Agitating the injured. Confusing the comatose. Dancing with the stars. Singing with the sharks. Headbutting squirrels. Tanning in the dark. Washing my hair in ink. Seducing goths. Collecting matchsticks. Playing with my nuts.

About me:
Hi, folks. My name is Betelgeuse, or if you prefer, Beetlejuice, although most people call me that fabulous-looking dead guy who loves having a good time. In fact, I love enjoying myself so much, that I sometimes forget to work, which in my case, involves scaring the sh#t out of the living. Don't worry, though, as I promise that I won't scare you. Not unless you're into that sort of thing. Plus I also promise not to smell an Armenian, transform into a pelican, or vote for a Democrat. How about you? What are you willing to promise me in return? Well, whatever you decide, just keep in mind that I'm a fairly modest individual who's extremely amazing.

First date:
Before we commence our date, the first thing you have to do is say my name three times. Then once you've done that, afterwards, I will be as free as a bird to take you to wherever you want to go. So, fancy flying to France for some French food? No problem-oh, because in the blink of an eye, I'll fly us both there to feast on a plate of frogs' legs. Better yet, we could travel to Switzerland and poke holes into their cheese. In any event, you name the time and the place and I'll get us there before you can say antidisestablishmentarianism. That said, however, I'd like you to know that I'm not a big fan of humid weather or anything that smells of mint. But apart from that, what are you waiting for? Let's go out and have a blast. Dynamite included.

To see more character-based dating profiles, please feel free to click here to check out our section dedicated to all things love.