ELPHABA THROPP'S DATING PROFILE (OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST)

This month, Universal Pictures will be releasing their musical fantasy film that chronicles the adventures of a green-skinned young lady who one day will become the ill-fated Wicked Witch of the West. Entitled, 'Wicked', this film is based on a stage show of the same name that was inspired by the 1995 novel written by Gregory Maguire, 'Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West', which in turn features characters from the 1900 novel written by L. Frank Baum, 'The Wonderful Wizard of Oz'. It was directed by the American filmmaker, Jon M. Chu, and stars Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, and Michelle Yeoh. So, to celebrate its release, I thought that it would be a jolly good idea to take a look at the dating profile for one of the main characters. Here 👇, check this out.

Personal information:
Full name: Elphaba Thropp / Age: It's rude to ask a lady her age / Occupation: Witch / Location: Land of Oz / Relationship requirements: Someone who isn't a d*ck / Longest relationship: I don't know as I've never measured my broomstick

Distinguishing features:
Height: Depends on what hat I wear / Weight: Depends on what food I eat / Build: See the previous answer for details / Hair color: Black / Eye color: Brown

Other attributes:
Do you like animals? See below for more information / Do you drink? Well, I'm unable to drink water as it burns my body / Do you want children? No comment / Do you consume drugs? No, but it sounds like fun / Do you drive a car? I can fly my broomstick. Does that count?

Favorite:
TV show: 'Sabrina the Teenage Witch' / Song: 'Witchcraft' by Frank Sinatra / Actor: Anyone who's a b*tch / Band: Black Sabbath / Comedian: Mother Teresa / Film: 'The Witches of Eastwick' / Color: Green / Meal: Salad / Quote: 'I'm done with being a bitter witch' - Adele

Hobbies:
Practicing magic. Buying hats. Flying my broomstick. Avoiding water. Moaning about nothing. Washing my skin in oil. Pretending to be clever. Cackling to myself. Looking after animals. Defending the rights of animals. Treating people like animals.

About me:
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a young lady who was treated poorly by some of the people around her due to the color of her skin. It was green. Her skin was green. From head to toe, she looked like a tall stick of celery, except for her long, wavy black hair and her very expressive features. So, to turn things around, one day she decided to push back against all of the hatred she received. Initially, with the use of words, and then, with the use of magic, until she eventually transformed into a misunderstood individual who now wants to find true love. So, what do you say? Would you like to meet this young lady? Would you like to take her out on a date? If so, then please allow me to formally introduce myself. Hello. My name is Elphaba Thropp, but you can call me anytime.

First date:
From reading my profile, I'm sure you can imagine some of the things I've had to contend with throughout my life. I've had to face bigotry, hatred, and discrimination, while trying to figure out who I am as a person and what I actually stand for. So, with this in mind, there are a couple of ground rules I'd like to put in place before the two of us agree to go out. First, you should never, ever, ever, allude to the fact that I look like Kermit the Frog. Not only is this a rather derogatory observation that offends me, but it doesn't reflect too kindly on Kermit either. Secondly, I can't drink water, any kind of water, be it still, sparkling, or flavored, because if I do, my body dissolves into a large puddle of goo, and neither of us would want that. And last, but not least, I'd like our date to involve us going to a vegan restaurant, as I'm an avid supporter of animal rights and hate to see them being eaten. So, now you know some of my pet peeves, let's meet up and have a good time.

To see more character-based dating profiles, please feel free to click here to check out our section dedicated to all things love.